A Stage Fright
1993/11/17 automatic writing by Chris Wayan voicing a dream character
THAT DAY... | |
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At a dance concert starring some of my ballet classmates, I got so excited I wanted to leap on stage myself. Afterward they urged me "Quit hiding in classes, you're good! Go on, volunteer for a show!" So at last, I tried. The stress left me sick for days. Stage fright! But I noticed something odd. Singing or acting or dancing my OWN work on stage seemed to leave me well--only dancing OTHER PEOPLE'S scripts sickened me! Stage fright, or... something else? Am I incompatible with scripted flash and fire, |
THAT NIGHT... | |
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I lay abed, a toadish lump. Relit that stage in memory, pen ready to explore. Suddenly on the page, mad dancing lines began to pour! And in the dark beyond my words' ballet of scripted light, Hovered something scaled and eyed: My true stage fright. In this fey mood, what do I write?
"Fear is a stereo: it talks in both ears. |
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Forget ballet! I long to tell secrets, Show you my privates: The hot wet folds of my Brain, The steamy convolutions of my Dream. Slippery with excitement, I wriggle from the team, A sperm after a slut aesthetic. But this ain't no nudie bar. They'll revoke my artistic license: way Too much licentiousness in my consciousness-- at least for ballet.
But what if I dared?
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The scales of night are falling. What hovered in the dark Like bats avoiding light, Now drops to the stage like a cat. Dragon lands, and takes no bow. Won't dance, just holds to the center. Wings nick the curtains, steam-veils drift. Huge, deadly, spiked: a stage fright. Green-golden-eyed it stares and stares, Till telepathically it shares: "Once I dreamed I was a mammal born..." Offstage someone whispers: "Where's That vaudeville hook?" But no one human dares.
Backstage, the manager hisses
But that cold mind proceeds in calm
But waiting a thoughtful |
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MORAL | ||
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If it sounds like I'm claiming I went on strike, Summoned illness to block an un-Tao path, Or that stagefright can make a soul progress... Well, (uncomfortable squirm) ...yes. |
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